QUESTION (1/16/01): Alien, Several years have gone by since you wreaked all that havoc on Gardner Terrace. Now that the buildings have been destroyed, all the people have gone off to married wasteland, what do you do for fun & frolic? Ever stop by the "Plough" to scare everyone away & drink Guinness out of a funnel? Or what? What are you doing these days? R Wondering

ALIEN'S ANSWER: Dear R Wondering, Thanks for the message! Always nice to hear from an old fan in this part of the galaxy. As you may know, my interstellar spacepod was stolen by Allston punks some years ago, leaving me stranded on this puny planet. I succeeded in tracking down the culprits of this dastardly act (more havoc wrought), but I have yet to locate my trusty space locomotive. If only I'd listened to my anger management counselor, maybe then I could have controlled myself long enough to extract the valuable information that would have led me to my ship. But I did enjoy the mayhem! Anyway, if you ever hear any news of my spacecraft's secret location, please notify me at once. You will be richly rewarded with an assortment of vintage nerf balls beyond your wildest dreams! And oh yes, I'm also searching for a giant Coke sign that disappeared from the Allston area around the same time. Please keep me posted. Yours truly, The Alien

QUESTION: Alien, what is your favorite Alien scene?

ALIEN'S ANSWER: There are just so many, it's impossible to really choose just one! At the moment, how about the Alien's death-defying dive off the stone tower in the Mt. Auburn Cemetery. That whole cemetery tower sequence is one of my favorites, but I could easily choose others. Like the Alien sex scene! Alien

QUESTION: Who is that beautiful woman on the sofa in picture 12? Secret Admirer

ALIEN'S ANSWER: I'm glad you asked! That's Diane A., Val's lovely sister, relaxing on the "Alien" set, probably awaiting her big screen test. Alas, Diane's busy film schedule caused repeated shooting conflicts which prevented her from appearing in any of the "Alien" films. One of the few to escape the Alien's treacherous tentacles!

QUESTION: The poor guy you clotheslined had 2 Celtics tickets in his pocket. Say, how was the game, did we win? Green

ALIEN'S ANSWER: Hi Green, Thanks for the great question! Let's see, back in the early 1980s, I'd never been to an earthling athletic contest. I had heard a great deal about Larry Bird while floating around in space, often tuning in to Johnny Most radio broadcasts. Johnny's 'rip-your-lungs-out' kind of voice appealed to me on a very basic level, making me feel right at home in this galaxy. For some reason, however (sunspots perhaps?), I always had trouble picking up your planet's puny TV-transmission signals.

In any case, I was quite eager to obtain my first visual impression of a Boston Celtics basketball battle. And poor Rick B. was sporting enough to cough up a ticket, at least after I tracked him down on the porch in his Allston backyard. I was really pumped up for this game and wore my finest Celtic tee-shirt into the Boston Garden. Without consulting my Time/Space Continuum Datebook, I'd have to say this was a Game One Eastern Conference Finals clash with the formidable Philadelphia 76ers, and took place on May 9th, 1982. As for the outcome, it seems my pre-game presence on the parquet during Celtic warmups must have really fired up the Green team, as they proceeded to destroy the 76ers by a score of 121-81! The SpaceBooster Juice I slipped into the team's Gatorade supply might have helped matters, also.

As for poor Rick, I so appreciated his generous offer of Celtic playoff tickets, that I left one ticket behind for his use when/if he recovered from his clothes brush with death. So the Alien does have a heart (well, actually three), and I await the day when the Celtics rise from the grave to wreak havoc on the rest of the NBA. Hope to see you there!

QUESTION: Alien, Your character, the gas mask, the nerf ball nose, the movies, what is your take on how this all got started? Still wondering

ANSWER: Dear Still wondering, I very much enjoyed reading Bob's Alien gestation recap. A special tip of the Alien mask to Glenn M. for his primordial role in acquiring the gas mask that launched a series of monster movies! I'm sure Pops Gentex would be very proud of you, my man!!

I remember Jim E. and Nigel D. soliciting submissions for their Somerville Film Festival (Super 8 films only) and telling us the theme would be horror films. That gave us some direction, but not much else. We completed the first Alien film just before the festival, but couldn't get it developed in time for the big premiere night. So the first Alien film -- a single-reel effort that only ran about 3-1/2 minutes -- was not shown in competition. As I recall, Nigel and Jim entered a great "Curse of the Mummy" type film that year, complete with sand dunes and fez hats, but I don't remember if they won a prize.

As we had much more time to prepare for Alien II, we decided to go for the look of a big budget Hollywood production (without spending any money, of course). Thus was born the "No Budget Productions" company. And with the enthusiastic support of countless sacrificial Terrace-ites and various hangers-on -- people who were only too happy to spill their blood in exchange for an immortal moment on screen -- we were able to turn out the 'feature-length' Alien II, winner of the prestigious Golden Sneaker Award. The film's running time was about 18 minutes and featured a cast of thousands, along with fabulous location shots from throughout the Boston area. "Alien III (in 3-D)" consumed us for much of the following year, culminating in another Golden Sneaker.

And just to keep the record straight, these Alien films were first and foremost a fantastic group effort. So, I'd like to extend a big Alien "Thank You!" to everyone who contributed to the making of these horrible films. You know who you are and your blood still courses through my veins. I have not gone away! And I still know what you did last summer..... -- Alien

QUESTION (7/25/04): Dear Alien, how can I get my nerf clean? I've tried everything from scrubbing with toothpaste to scraping with industrial strength solvents--nothing seems to work!  P.S. what was it like to make it with the femalian?

ALIEN'S ANSWER: Dear Otto, Thank you for the thoughtful inquiry, and for raising the nerf care issue in this forum. I appreciate your candor regarding the current unclean state of your nerf apparatus. It feels good to share your pain. Proper nerf hygiene is so very important. As I've always believed, nerf care imperatives should be instilled early in life, preferably via pneumatic injection, while the babealien is still in the pod. Sad to say, this simple but painful procedure is often bypassed by today's pod-coddlers, or is badly botched when carried out. We see the sad results all around us: dirty, pitted, ragged nerfs; badly warped and lopsided nerfs; punkaliens with yesterday's blood on the nerf; unkempt nerfs extruding ugly hair-like filaments; etc., etc. Your nerf is a sophisticated, durable, and highly sensitive organ, and.an alien should always take great pride in his/her all-around appearance. Remember to dress sharp, keep your hood securely in place, and groom frequently, paying close attention to your nerf and tentacles. Daily conscientious effort will help you maintain a clean and healthy nerf, one with pleasing surface texture, satisfying girth, arousing color, and oh-so-inviting allure. Of course, even the most adept and highly-skilled aliens (like myself) will, from time to time, pop their nerfs. Dirt, grit, grime, and other disgusting earth debris will adhere quickly to the nerf surface, as you have no doubt experienced. Upon recovery of your nerf, I always recommend an immediate immersion in a light-acid bath. Try my own "NerfPerfect" bath solution, or similar acid-based product. Be sure to brush gently, but thoroughly with a soft bristle brush. My "Nautral Nerf-Deturfer" brush would make an excellent choice. And remember, early attention is always your key to nerf hygiene success. As for your second question, the femalien in Episoe 2 really rocked my world! I can still vividly recall how we popped our nerfs in unison during our brief interlude. Ah, those were wonderful days! There was even better action on our honeymoon, but that material did not make it into the finished film. It will hopefully be incorporated into the upcoming (and unrated) DVD release. I haven't seen the femailen in many years. From what I've heard, she has returned to the dark streets and back alleys of downtown Boston, from whence she came. Thanks again for your thoughtful inquiry! Disarmingly yours, The Alien

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